Kiss the Boys
by Reefgirl
Summary: The ladies from Cigarettes, Whiskey and Wild, Wild, Women are back and they're playing a game that Laura Cadman used to play in High School with surprising results. I couldn't help it I had to bring them back, enjoy.


Title: Kiss the Boys

Rating: T for safety's sake

Spoilers: None

Pairings: Too many to mention and they're not what you'd expect

Summary: At a meeting of the 'You Don't Own Me' Club, Laura introduces the women to a game she used to play in High School.

Disclaimer: I own none of the Characters I borrow them sometimes.

Authors Notes: I thought I would bring the Girls from Cigarettes Whiskey and Wild Wild Women back for another story, also I thought the Kiss the Geek game, mentioned in one of the Brief Encounter stories, was too good to pass up.

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The latest meeting of the You Don't Own Me club was in full swing.

"Did anyone else play Kiss the Geek in High School?" asked Laura, there was a lot of shaking of heads and questioning looks "Oh well it must have been a local thing then, I know the cheerleaders in a couple of other schools played it, we used to compare notes sometimes"

"Kiss the Geek was a game?" said Kate Heightmeyer

"You were a cheerleader," said Lindsey Novak incredulously. Laura smirked

"I was striking a blow for geek girls, the cheerleaders knew I could dance and I could put together some classy moves so they swallowed their pride and let me join," she said with a grin.

"So, Kiss the Geek, care to explain the rules," said Elizabeth, Laura stretched her legs, leant back against a chair and smiled

"We used to write the names of geeks on a piece of paper, you know, president of the Science Club, head of the Chess Club, members of the school orchestra and so on, put them in a hat and draw one out. You had to kiss the guy who's name was on the paper and give him marks out of ten, 1 for no reaction, 2 for the rabbit in the headlights look up to 10 for a full make out session" Laura explained. A wicked grin broke out on Elizabeth's face and the other women immediately knew what she was planning.

"Do you ladies fancy a game?" she said, there was a chorus of approval "to make it fair we'll open it up to military as well, why should the geeks have all the fun, besides all men get that look of fear when women make the moves on them". This caused laughs and catcalls among the group, a hunt started for pens and paper and soon names were being put into the hat. The draw was made and the first round of Kiss the Boys was soon to start.

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Lindsey Novak looked at what she was wearing in the mirror and gave herself a nod of approval. She was wearing jeans and a vest top that showed her figure off well and she'd left her hair loose, she was going to enjoy herself because she was usually on the receiving end of jokes like this and the man who's name she'd picked out of the hat was cute, well she thought he was anyway. She made her way down to a little used lab on the East Pier and there he was.

"Dr Zelenka" she said, he looked up and tried to remember whom the woman was. Recognition crossed his face when he realised she was the Daedalus' engineer, the one who always had hiccups.

"Dr Novak, what can I do for you?" he asked, Lindsey crossed over and perched on the edge of the desk

"Nothing really, I guess I was looking for some human company, there's only so much time you can spend with an Asgard before you go screaming into the night" she said. He laughed

"I suppose that's true" he replied as he carried on working

"Don't get me wrong he's brilliant but...lacking, if you know what I mean" she said. Radek looked at her, something was not right, this was a woman who ran in the opposite direction if you so much as said Good Morning to her and now she was in his lab and she had an agenda. Radek prided himself on his ability to read body language well; her face said she was up to something.

"Dr Novak, why are you _really_ here? You didn't come to find me to talk about Hermiod's lack of social skills," he said suspiciously. Lindsey chuckled

"Damn, busted" she said as she wrapped her left arm around Radek's neck and kissed him.

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John Sheppard exited the transport tube and looked around him; he was in the chair room.

"Dr Kusanagi" he called. Miko's head popped out from behind a console

"Ah Sheppard-san thank you for coming, I am trying to gauge how much power is needed to operate the chair, please sit" she said. John looked at her warily,

"Okay" he said slowly and sat in the chair, the chair tipped back and began to glow.

"Good" replied Miko as she made some notes on her PDA "Can you bring up a map of the solar system?" John did as he was asked and a map of the Lantean system began to swirl over his head. "Good, very good" she said, making more notes "now map of Atlantis please", but John had had enough. He knew well enough that Dr Kusanagi had the Ancient gene naturally and it was almost as strong as his was.

"Ok Doc" he said "enough is enough, you don't really need me here you can do all this stuff", the chair straightened and he made a move to get up, Miko came running over and 'tripped' on the platform, she knocked John back and tumbled onto his lap.

"Forgive me Colonel but you can't go yet" she said. The chair tipped back and John was pinned to the back of it,

"Ah Dr Kusanagi, I don't think this is a good idea, I don't know what'll happen to the chair if 2 people with the gene sit in it. Rodney will kill the both of us if we break his precious chair and Caldwell will Court Martial me if I destroy the only weapon we have" John babbled. Miko placed both her hands on his face and kissed him and John's hands gripped the chair in panic. In the Central Tower Rodney and Elizabeth screamed as a drone shot passed the balcony where they were discussing the weekly report.

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"Thank you for accompanying me to the mainland Colonel Caldwell" said Teyla as they strolled back to the puddle jumper.

"It was a pleasure Miss Emmagen" he replied, "It's not often I get to leave my ship or Atlantis". Teyla raised an eyebrow

"Really, do you not have other purposes in your own galaxy? do you only run supplies to Atlantis?" she said in surprise.

"If the Daedalus is needed to defend Earth or her allies then yes we do have obligations to assist, but we do have other ships like the Daedalus as do other nations on Earth, so it's not often I am called in to assist" he replied. He was intrigued, he wanted to know why Teyla had bought him here? She had not needed an escort or company "Miss Emmagen..."

"Please call me Teyla" she replied smiling.

"Alright Teyla, what are you up to?" he asked, he could have been wrong but for a brief moment a look of guilt crossed her face, the kind a child gets when she's been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"Up to? I am sorry Colonel Caldwell I do not understand what you mean" she replied,

"Why am I here? You don't usually need an escort when you visit your people, so what's the real purpose of me being here?" he said, he stopped in his tracks, folded his arms and waited for an explanation. Teyla thought quickly

"Some of my people, the elders, wanted to meet you, they have heard much of what you have done for us and for the people of Atlantis," she said with a smile. He smiled back,

"Nice try Miss Emmagen, now the truth please" he replied. Teyla gave a predatory smile and advanced towards him,

"If it is the truth you want, the truth you shall have," she said as she reached up, pulled him towards her and kissed him.

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"Hold the transport tube," Elizabeth yelled as she ran towards it, she slipped in just as the doors were closing. Major Lorne was lounging against the map of Atlantis on the back wall; he straightened himself up when she got in.

"Where are you off to Ma'am?" he asked

"No it's ok I can do it" she said, she tapped the map twice and the tube halted. Lorne reached for his communicator but Elizabeth put her hand on his arm to stop him

"It's ok, it'll clear itself in a minute" she replied. Elizabeth had found out a couple of weeks ago that if you quickly entered two commands into the map of a transport tube, it would lock in place for five minutes and then continue on its way,

"If you're sure Ma'am," Lorne replied still looking rather worried. Strange things were going on with some of the Atlantis personnel, Dr Zelenka had been seen with a smug smirk on his face, muttering something about a cure for hiccups and he had seen Colonel Sheppard and Colonel Caldwell looking slightly shell-shocked. Something was going on and it un-nerved him and now, judging by the look on her face, he felt like he was about to become Dr Weir's lunch.

"Are you alright Major Lorne, you've gone rather pale" she said

"I...'ahem'...I'm ok it's just a little...um...I never noticed how small these tubes are" he replied.

"Do you suffer from claustrophobia Major?" she asked as she moved closer to him, she put her hand to his face and he broke into a sweat, the Head of Atlantis was coming on to him.

"Ah...no Ma'am, it's just...ah...a little cramped in here" he said, it's not that he wasn't flattered but a little warning would have been welcome. "Ah...Ma'am..." he stammered as she ran her finger down his face

"I think you can call me Elizabeth," she said as she slipped her hand into his hair and kissed him.

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"Hi Ronon" said Laura Cadman. Ronon had been called to the armoury but hadn't been told why,

"What do you want" he replied tersely. He'd been called away from a training session with a couple of female marines, which he'd been enjoying immensely.

"Good to see you too Ronon" said Laura with a smile "I need to check that...weapon of yours" she said with a mischievous smile, he looked suspiciously at her and handed his gun to her.

"Why?" he asked,

"My my aren't we full of questions today" she said sweetly "all weapons have to have an ID now, you know how it is, rules, pen pushers thinking they know what's best for us in the front line, making more paperwork, so just hand it over" she grinned "or do I have to take it from you". Ronon laughed

"I'd like to see you try" he replied

"Oh-ho is that a dare? I never could resist a dare," she said as put out her hand for the gun that Ronon held out of her reach. Cadman pouted theatrically "oh Ronon please let me have it please". Ronon shook his head as everything clicked into place; he knew what she was doing as he'd heard stories from around the city that the women were playing some kind of game

"Come and get it," he said with a grin, Laura knew she'd been had but that wasn't going to stop her enjoying herself.

"Now that is an offer I can't refuse," she said as she grabbed a handful of his dreadlocks, pulled his head down to hers and kissed him hard.

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Major Emma Cooper made her way to the Lab, she was going to have fun with the man whose name she'd pulled out of the hat. He'd been on the Daedalus a couple of the times she'd been piloting it and it had been thanks to him that they'd got out of the jam the Wraith virus had put them in. She was on her way to say thank you.

"Dr McKay" she said as she entered the lab

"What?" said an exasperated McKay. Miko had been missing for an hour and Radek had been gone for two leaving him to clear up the mess their absences had caused,

"I'm Major Cooper, the Daedalus' pilot and I just came here to say a belated thank you for saving us when the Wraith took over the ship," she said with a smile.

"Oh...well...it's nice of you people to appreciate what I've done for you" he said magnanimously. Emma smiled at him

"What are you doing?" she asked. McKay sighed, the last thing he needed was a nosey battleship flyer.

"I'm trying to tidy up the lab because two of my subordinates have chosen now to have a break," he said

"Would you like some help?" she offered "Or maybe something to take your mind off it?" she replied.

"Um...what had you in mind?" he said idly wondering if she had chocolate on her, it was way past lunchtime and he was getting sugar cravings. Emma smiled and turned back to the door, she ran her hand over the door panel and it locked.

"Surprise" she said in a singsong voice, Rodney's mouth dropped open

"You've got the Ancient gene," he said and she nodded,

"Dr Beckett tested me after the Siege" Emma replied. She advanced towards Rodney and pulled the zip of her flight suit a little lower, she knew it was a cheesy move but in her experience guy's like Rodney appreciated it,

"Ohhhh my..." gulped Rodney, all his fantasies would choose now to come true.

"I'd _really_ like to show you my appreciation" she said

"Really? Um how really is really?" Rodney babbled, please don't wake up now he thought.

"Really" she replied as she grabbed hold of the front of his shirt and kissed him.

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"Have you got anything for a headache?" said Kate Heightmeyer late that evening

"Aye, of course I have love," replied Carson Beckett. He got up from his desk and crossed to the drugs cabinet, he opened the bottle of aspirin and gave a couple to Kate, and he then went to get some water. Kate accepted the cup and swallowed the pills down, "tough day love?" she shook her head

"No it's actually been fairly peaceful, I haven't even had a visit from Rodney today," she said.

"I saw him looking very pleased with himself in the mess hall earlier" said Carson, Kate smirked she knew exactly why Rodney was happy, she'd seen Emma Cooper earlier with the same satisfied grin on her face. "There's been something odd going on all day", Kate put on an innocent expression

"Odd how?" she asked as she moved behind Carson and started to rub the back of his neck.

"It's hard to explain but...well Colonel Sheppard's been going around with a glazed look on his face muttering something about books and covers, I was called out to treat Major Lorne for hyperventilation after he got stuck in a transporter with Dr Weir, Colonel Caldwell's been quiet all day. Ronon turned up in the mess hall looking dishevelled, had three of everything for lunch and then went back for seconds, Radek and...Ah that's really nice love" said Carson as he began to feel the effects of Kate's massage "...um...now where was I...oh yes, Radek...". He didn't get any further as Kate sat on his lap and kissed him "Kate...um...Kate...what...is...going on" he said between kisses

"I didn't want you to feel left out of the weirdness" Kate replied as she carried on kissing him.

**The Next 'You Don't Own Me' Meeting**

The You Don't Own Me club meeting the next week was eagerly anticipated by all. Many questions had been asked of them, which were met, by silence and a knowing smile.

"Ok who's first on the list" called Laura

"Lindsey" said Elizabeth "Marks out of ten for Dr Zelenka" Lindsey blushed then grinned

"Nine and it includes an extra mark for an ingenious cure for hiccups," she said, still blushing. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows

"Care to elaborate?" Elizabeth asked, Lindsey shook her head

"No and I'm going to have to leave here early I've...got a date" she said with a grin.

"Wow who'd have though Dr Zelenka merited a nine" said Laura thoughtfully

"Miko, you had Colonel Sheppard," said Elizabeth. Miko pouted

"One point only" she said with disappointment, this news drew a gasp, 'Romeo' Sheppard the Captain Kirk of Atlantis only scoring one.

"What happened?" asked Kate

"He was scared of me I think, he didn't respond at all," said Miko, her disappointment replaced by a grin "we were sitting in the Chair and in his panic he set off a drone by accident". The women burst out laughing

"That was him?" said Elizabeth "Rodney spent three days trying to find out how it happened" Miko grinned

"I know it was very difficult to keep what I knew to myself," she said.

"Is there a medical term for premature drone release?" Laura asked Kate who shook her head

"I'm sure I can come up with one" she replied.

"Come on Elizabeth, how did you get on with Major Lorne?" asked Emma, Elizabeth sighed

"Three and I'm being generous because I think the fact I run Atlantis worried him, he had that rabbit caught in the headlights look about him, terrified is a good description of his reaction" she said.

"I heard Dr Beckett had to treat him for Hyperventilation," said Kate with a smile, Elizabeth nodded

"It was me that called him, now Major Lorne owes me a favour for backing up his story of suffering from claustrophobia" she said with a grin "Laura you look like a cat that got the cream, so spill about Ronon". Laura leaned back and put her hands behind her head, smiling at the memories,

"Mmmm Ronon, eleven or should I deduct one point for the fact he guessed what I was up to before I'd kissed him" she said with a smirk.

"Eleven!" said Miko and Laura just grinned

"You don't really expect me to say anymore do you?" she said

"Yes" chorused the others

"Well if he ever offers to show you some Satedan rituals, take him up on it," said Laura. "Ok, changing the subject how well did Colonel Caldwell score Teyla", Teyla smiled thoughtfully

"Five" she said "I believe he would have scored more if he hadn't...I believe the human term is Come back down to Earth with a bump" the others laughed "he seemed to remember his position among you and mine so he stopped, which I must say was disappointing". Novak and Cooper stared at her open mouthed, their CO scored five with Teyla, this was something they hadn't expected.

"Who drew Dr McKay's name?" asked Miko, Emma raised her hand

"Me and I give him a seven, boy can he kiss," she said, Laura sat up and raised her eyebrows

"Rodney's a good kisser? When I was stuck in his head I had to make all the moves for him," she said, Emma grinned

"Well he finally stopped talking and waving his arms around and actually got around to kissing me back so he must have improved because I certainly wasn't complaining" she said with a grin.

"And finally, Kate will you give us your report on Dr Beckett" said Elizabeth,

"Six and that's only because we were disturbed by those damn mice of his, the little buggers started running in their wheel just when we were getting down and dirty". Kate nodded in Teyla's direction "like what happened to you Carson seemed to get all "We shouldn't be doing this" on me, which was really annoying because man is he passionate" she said looking thoroughly pissed, "I could have throttled those mice".

"So on a scale of one to ten we have John Sheppard on one, Major Lorne on three, Colonel Caldwell on five, Dr Beckett on six Dr McKay on seven, Dr Zelenka on nine and Ronon on eleven and working out the averages it seems that, apart from Ronon the geeks win hands down" said Elizabeth.

"It's a shame we can't do it again but I think they've wised up now" said Kate,

"Maybe the Daedalus can bring us some mistletoe for Christmas," said Laura with a leer, "there are a couple of people I'd like to catch under the mistletoe". Teyla looked puzzled

"What is mistletoe and what does it have to do with kissing?" she asked. Elizabeth smiled

"It's an Earth custom..." she began.

Two floors below them three airforce officers and a Doctor were plotting.


End file.
